Let go.

I went on my first church visit this evening to St Toms at Philadelphia (visit www.sheffieldchurches.blogspot.com for more about the church visits) there were 4 of us that went and for me it was a really great experience. It wasn't something completely new for me as it was very similar to a church I use to attend, and reminded me very much so of the great times I have had at Spring Harvest when I was younger, an annual Christian conference which I attended every year as a child. The music was loud and everyone was so excited and enthusiastic about meeting their God, the sermon was a bit vague but the general idea about baptism was pretty sound, and witnessing 4 people get baptised was really exciting.

The church visit itself isn't really what I want to talk about though. Being there, like I said reminded me of previous 'church' experiences when I was younger and the type of thing that I use to absolutely love just 3 or 4 years ago. I was so up for dancing in the aisles, laying face down before my God and just completely physically humbling myself during the worship. I don't remember exactly how or when it happened, but I realised I'm not the same person I was 3 or 4 years ago. Part of my wants to say that I've just grown up, which I guess to an extent would be true, but in all honesty I think the faith and relationship I had with God back then is a very different one to the one I have now.

My relationship with God is now so much more intellectual than it was before, which is great, but as a result of this I've lost a lot of the emotional side of the relationship I once had. Being able to relate to God in an intellectual way is brilliant: reading his word, studying it, meditating on it, and really unpacking what every verse is speaking into my life is such a great thing to do, which I really enjoy doing and wish I had more time and motivation to do more! But in the past 3 or 4 years I've started to become almost like a Pharisee! Not in the way that I think the law is the way to get to Jesus, or that I'm ok by myself or that I don't need God's grace; I know that the law shows me how much I do need Jesus and that its only because of God's grace I can write this blog! But I think I've become too distracted in the intellectual side of things, wanting to understand God and know him better, and just increase my head knowledge, whilst neglecting my heart.

I'm so grateful that God brought me to St Tom's tonight because its really opened my eyes to this problem. Its so easy for us to get caught up too far in one side. About 3 or 4 years ago I stopped going to my previous church because I got too caught up in the emotional side of things. It wasn't anything to do with the church itself, but simply that I began to feel that my relationship with God wasn't real unless I felt it. If I finished a worship session and hadn't cried or really felt something then I just felt empty, so I know the danger of going too far that way as well. But right now I think that I just need to let go.

A few months ago, I went to a prayer room in the city centre, and I basically just cried the whole time I was there. I wasn't completely sure why, but I think it was partly that I just felt like I'd shut myself away from God who just wanted to be with me. He is our Teacher and Counsellor, but He's also our Father and Friend. Sometimes He just wants to be with us! At the end of the time I spent at the prayer room the people that were there prayed for me, there was no more than 10 people there and we were going round praying for each person individually, and they also asked God if there were words that he wanted to give me. I had a picture in my mind of a waterfall, of a peaceful, safe place where I could just be with God. There were a few different things said to me by the people saying there, one of them was that God just wants to be with me and another was a picture of a waterfall in a private peaceful place where I could meet with God personally.

Basically I think that sometimes I just get too caught up in wanting to know more, and even just wanting to tick God's boxes. But thats not what he wants. He wants a relationship with me. He, the trinity, is a relational God, he doesn't just want me to merely know who he is and what he has done, he wants a relationship. I think sometimes we just need to let go.

Whatever is pure...

I’ve been wanting to write another blog post for a while, and I have a few started ones where I was feeling suddenly inspired but then gave up half way through. I think that the problem was that part of me couldn’t settle on something that I wanted to talk about. I was recently reminded of a brilliant verse in Phillipians that pretty much sums up everything that I am currently having issues with – in my own life, and also when looking at other brothers and sisters’ lives.

In Philippians 4:8 Paul writes… (NIV version)

“whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

Looking at my own life and the struggles that I’ve been going through over the past few months in particular, and then when looking at other peoples lives and wondering how best I can encourage them as my siblings in Christ, I always seem to get stuck down in what seems to be the obvious problems i.e. the getting drunk, the unhelpful relationships, the sex, the swearing, the gossiping etc. And I think that we always try and find a way of putting limits on how far we can go. As sinful, selfish humans we try and push the boundaries of what is good and right and see how much we can get away with. We try and justify it as being relevant to the world when in actual fact we are just not being salt and light and not being different.

But in this verse, Paul is looking at it from a completely different angle, and an angle that I know myself and a lot of those close to me should be looking at our actions from. Instead of ‘what can I get away with’ its ‘what good can I do’. The question we should be asking ourselves is not ‘how bad is this action?’ but ‘how good is this action?’. Is it pure? Does it reflect the truth we have in our lives as Christians? Is it noble? Right? Lovely? Admirable? In doing it are we becoming praiseworthy in God’s eyes?

Is going out and drinking with our friends a pure and noble thing to do? (Even if we aren’t getting drunk)

Is going out clubbing underage a thing that reflects God’s commands for us? (see 1 Peter 2:13-14)

I think that The Message translation of this Philippians passage demonstrates really well what our intentions should be in EVERY action that we do:

"Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies."

“You’ll do best by…” Doing this isn’t only for God’s glory (although obviously that is of great importance) but its for our own good also! By following God’s instructions and filling our minds and our lives with these things we not only honour God with our whole lives but it says here that this is what’s best for us. There are so many other passages in the bible that talk about this (such as Jeremiah 29:11 and Romans 8) about how God’s plans are best for us, and I think that if we all started to live our lives by the ‘what good can I do?’ principle rather than the ‘what can I get away with?’ principle we would find that our relationship with God grows stronger and we would generally spiritually be in a much sounder place.