Stressed out.

I really hate it when it gets to one of those points in life where it feels like there is just too much going on and not enough time to think about everything never mind actually get on and do something about anything. Well that's pretty much where I am right now.

I'm on these antibiotics for the infection I've got in one of the wounds from the appendicectomy I had in the summer and they just wipe me out - make me feel really depressed actually.

I'm currently applying for uni, and was hoping to send off my UCAS application form by the end of this week but thats not going to happen anymore. With the spending cuts and everything up in the air with uni fees at the moment, I really don't know whether to take a gap year which was my original plan, or whether to just go straight to uni so that I don't have to pay the higher amount of money. Also got lots of work to do which I quite frankly can't be bothered to do. I have no motivation to do anything and would rather just curl up in a little ball for a few days in the hopes that everything gets better.

But life doesn't really work like that. And I know that from past experience that curling up in a little ball and hoping it just passes on by doesn't help - it makes it worse if anything!

"God is our refuge and strength and ever present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea." - Psalm 26:1-2

"Cast your cares on the Lord, He will sustain you. He will never let the righteous fall" - Psalm 55:22

"The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" - Psalm 34:18

"I waited patiently for the Lord, He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire. He set my feet on a rock gave me a firm place to stand." - Psalm 40:1-2

The Psalms are an incredible comfort when things are difficult. Its a reminder that things are difficult, life is crap sometimes - but thats because we are living in a crap world, not because we have a crap god. God loves us. Oh how He loves us! He is gracious and compassionate. He comes down and rescues us. He is so patient with us, how much more then should we be patient with him - his timing is perfect. He knows what he is doing. And he causes all things to work together for the good of those who love him. Whatever he's doing right now is for my good. I just need to remember that and draw closer to him.

What do you value?

I was asked a few weeks ago to take an epilogue (short talk) at the kids clubs I help on how Judas misunderstood Jesus. The passage I was given was from Matthew 26:14-16 and went as follows...


Then one of the Twelve - the one called Judas Iscariot - went to the chief priests and asked, "What are you willing to give me if I hand him over to you?" So they counted out for him thirty silver coins. From then on Judas watched for an opportunity to hand him over.

To begin with I had no idea where to start, but I was thinking about why was Judas willing to hand him over? And the answer I came to was that Jesus wasn't important enough. Money was much more important to him than Jesus himself.

I went on in the epilogue to ask what is the thing that is most valuable to you? What makes you tick? What's the thing that you think of first when you wake up in a morning? I've been really challenged recently to make Jesus the most important thing in my life. I'm reading Counterfeit God's by Tim Keller in my 1-2-1 which is a really good read, and very challenging (thoroughly recommend it!) and then with this epilogue remembering that everytime we make something else more important than Jesus, we are notifying the Pharisees and sending Jesus to the cross.


The thing is, it is so easy to make things more important than they should be. Money, friends, family, possessions, school work, image, abilities. Its so easy to tell yourself, or allow others to tell you that these are the things in life that are worth having, and the things that will satisfy you. But it couldn't be more untrue. We live in a society where we are never satisfied with what we have. We always want more, and when we get more we are still ungrateful and unfulfilled.

Jesus gave up so much for us.
Romans 5:8 "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
What he has done for us is so incredible and it shocks me everytime I stop and realise how sinful we are. How much we reject him all the time, and how many things we make more important than Jesus. Jesus just deseves so much better from us.

...thank God for GRACE!

An extract of incredibleness from Charles Spurgeon

"The hope which is laid up for you in heaven." - Colossians 1:5

Our hope in Christ for the future is the mainspring and the mainstay of our joy here. It will animate our hearts to think often of heaven, for all that we can desire is promised there. Here we are weary and toilworn, but yonder is the land of rest where the sweat of labour shall no more bedew the worker's brow, and fatigue shall be forever banished. To those who are weary and spent, the word "rest" is full of heaven. We are always in the field of battle; we are so tempted within, and so molested by foes without, that we have little or no peace; but in heaven we shall enjoy the victory, when the banner shall be waved aloft in triumph, and the sword shall be sheathed, and we shall hear our Captain say, "Well done, good and faithful servant." We have suffered bereavement after bereavement, but we are going to the land of the immortal where graves are unknown things. Here sin is a constant grief to us, but there we shall be perfectly holy, for there shall by no means enter into that kingdom anything which defileth. Hemlock springs not up in the furrows of celestial fields. Oh! is it not joy, that you are not to be in banishment forever, that you are not to dwell eternally in this wilderness, but shall soon inherit Canaan? Nevertheless let it never be said of us, that we are dreaming about the future and forgetting the present, let the future sanctify the present to highest uses. Through the Spirit of God the hope of heaven is the most potent force for the product of virtue; it is a fountain of joyous effort, it is the corner stone of cheerful holiness. The man who has this hope in him goes about his work with vigour, for the joy of the Lord is his strength. He fights against temptation with ardour, for the hope of the next world repels the fiery darts of the adversary. He can labour without present reward, for he looks for a reward in the world to come.

Further (hopefully final) update on relationships

I'd just like to highlight a few things that I said in my first blog and develop them a little bit further.

One of my summarizing paragraphs was this...

"I’m not going to judge anyone for being in a relationship (that would be pretty stupid as I’m in one myself) and I’m not even trying to discourage people from being in a relationship, I just want to urge people to think about relationships seriously."

Whenever I think about my blog I always think of me ranting about how we shouldn't be going out with people... but actually that’s really not what I'm saying at all. The main issue is that people don't take relationships seriously enough, and their relationship with God is not the most important thing in their life because they are constantly looking for love elsewhere.

"What is the difference between being really good friends with someone and going out with someone?"

This is a question that my youth leader asks regularly when talking about relationships and everyone always comes up with the same answer... "the physical aspect I guess... but...."

…And to an extent this is true. If we are to treat our brothers and sisters like brothers and sisters all the way until they are our husband/wife then there is a problem here if there is not much of a difference. One of my other youth leaders often joked about writing a book titled "would you snog your sister?" about relationships that raises the same point. What is the stage between friends are engagement? And what is the most godly/biblical way of handling things in that stage. This is something that continues to confuse and challenge me. And unfortunately I don’t think there is a straightforward answer.

Since my first blog many people have come up with some interesting arguments against what I've said (some better than others) and a few points that were made to me I think are actually very key things to include in my discussion.

"We have to completely trust in God to guide us to the right person, and whatever happens, he'll ultimately be in control!"

I’ve always said, if something doesn't go against the bible in any way, and there isn't an obviously better option then go for it... so maybe this applies here too. However, a good thing isn’t necessarily the right thing. We see that in Acts when the Spirit stops Paul from going into Macedonia to preach the gospel. Preaching the gospel is definitely a good thing but it wasn’t right at that time or place. Being in relationships that glorify God is a good thing, but the question is whether it is the right time, and with the right person.

"If you can honestly say that you're not looking for anything in your man that you don't already have in Jesus (and he can say the same about you) then go for it no questions asked - just don't expect him to be the perfect guy. He might be lovely - but he sure ain't gonna be perfect." - another very valid point. This follows up on the idea that we should be finding our identity in Christ and not looking anywhere else for satisfaction. If God uses someone to help you ground your satisfaction only in Jesus then that is never a bad thing. The question is: can this work in a relationship or are their too many distractions?

We are never going to get to the bottom of issues such as this until we get to heaven; I think it just is the way things are. C'est la vie! But I think that doesn't mean we have to just sit back and give up, or even struggle on through, because of Jesus' death and resurrection we can know God! and he reveals to us his plans. So we should ask him.

I know people that have read these blogs on relationships and have then either felt more confused or are not helped at all, and in fact, whether that is you or even if you are completely sorted and know exactly what you want to do, then pray. Just pray pray pray. If we pray to him, God will hear us, and he will help us.

Psalm 55:22 - Cast your cares on the Lord he will sustain you. He will never let the righteous fall.

If we are trying to glorify God in all we do then he is not going to abandon us. And even when we do mess up he uses our mess for his glory.

So to finish here are some fabulous words from Colossians 3:17 that I think we can VERY easily apply to the whole discussion of relationships...

“And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”

Quick update on the relationships...

Just thought I'd say that because of a number of different reasons I am now single.

Its not easy is it... and I never wanted to make out that it was, there are a lot of things that I miss about being in a relationship, but it is at the same time a relief. And I can concentrate on God and my relationship with him, through the help of many different friends something I am actively doing at the moment.

So I just thought I'd point out that I still say all the things I said before now, even being single. If you don't know what I'm talking about you'll have to read the blog entry on relationships :)

Much overdue Alcohol rant coming soon :)

xx

A little bit of blog...

I think hopefully I’ll be writing more of these, not regularly but one or two might pop up now and again so I just wanted to explain a little bit more about what I wanted to achieve by writing this blog and these sort of entries.

Firstly I just wanted to point out that I am not claiming to be without sin in anyway; I’m a human being - I reek of the stuff! I’ll hopefully be writing about some sensitive issues following on from my rant about relationships and I know at times I sound negative and condemning and I guess at times even all high and mighty. But that’s not what I want the people that read it to take from it.

The point of this blog was partly for me to just have an outlet for all my frustration, but also primarily to open people’s eyes to various life issues and how as a Christian we could deal with them. I’m also not claiming to be the source of all knowledge or claiming that what I write is 100% absolutely accurate in every situation. Undoubtedly in a fit of frustration and anger (see... sin!) I’ll post something that is really stupid and immature and not helpful to anyone! But hopefully there won’t be too much of that and I’ll be able to post carefully, keeping everything I write based firmly on the bible; because after all that really is the source of all knowledge!

I don’t want people to be reading any of the entries and thinking that I’m trying to tell them what to do either. That is not the aim of this. Like I said, I just want to open people’s eyes to certain issues, put across my views on the matter yes, but only to make people think about it and come to their own conclusion. I want you to consider what I have to say on the matter but ultimately what the bible says is the most important thing. And obviously we aren’t going to agree on everything all the time (hello sin) and sometimes we just have to agree to disagree.

I hope that this explains just a little bit more about what this is all about (that was the worst sentence I’ve ever written) and that you’ll come back and read lots more of my rants. I think that the next one will be on alcohol... it could be a while though because I have a feeling it’s going to need a lot of monitoring... it could be interesting!

Relationships

Have you ever realised that relationships are really stupid?

Ok... so I don’t want you to misunderstand me; relationships are incredible and that’s the very reason God created us - to be in a perfect relationship with him! ...but when you’re 16 and going off to who knows where in a couple years time and you’re going to meet new people (probably lots of hot people) and you’re not going to see your girlfriend/boyfriend very often and its going to be really hard… is there really a lot of point in going out with someone in the first place?

One of the many things that majorly bugs me ALL the time is that I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. I’m in a long-term relationship at the moment (not far off 18 months) but I’m only 17 and he’s only 16. Yes I could see myself getting married to him and having a family and living happily ever after but even if that is going to happen there are a heck of a lot of hard times to go through before then and half the time I wonder if it’s worth it; whether I could be doing something greater for God right now if I was single. I sometimes find myself wishing I’d never met him, never fallen in love, because now that I’ve realised how stupid relationships are I really wish I could just leave him - but I do love him and I don’t want to hurt him (or myself) and so we are trying to live out a Christian relationship together, building each other up and having Jesus at the centre of everything we do together. Trust me, it’s not easy, especially when I remember that in just over a year I’ll be leaving home.

So from what I’ve just said its obvious I’m not against relationships (however stupid I think they are!) but I do think that the way the majority of the people in today’s society view relationships is wrong and even in Christian circles it’s just outright unhelpful.

I think if I had to choose just one thing that seriously majorly pees me off the most at the moment it would be the lack of seriousness seen in relationships and the way people joke about them as if they are as important as empty tissue boxes. I HATE the way people speculate all the time about everyone and anyone and they are always trying to ‘set people up’. It’s the stupidest thing ever and they don’t know the damage they are causing by putting ideas and speculations into people’s heads. I know guilty of doing it in the past I just wish I’d had someone to tell me how stupid it was a couple of years ago... so I hope that I can be that person to some other people.

Being in a relationship should be a really serious thing - this is marriage we are talking about (well it should be!) so if you are thinking about going out with someone then you should be thinking about marrying them. If you couldn’t marry them - don’t go out with them.
I have been doing some thinking (as you can probably tell by this lengthy ‘essay’) and I think that I have come up with 4 categories that most relationships can be categorised into:

1. Both the girl and boy are simply in the relationship for themselves. It’s all about what they can get out of it for themselves and, sure they’re willing to give a little bit of ‘love’ back in return, but that’s not their primary intention. If neither person is giving then neither is going to be fulfilled.
2. One half is completely obsessed with the other (completely head over heels) but isn’t getting nearly the same amount of love back. This can be horrible for both people; knowing that you aren’t loved back in return is going to be damaging eventually but also knowing that you can never love somebody back the way that they love you can also be difficult.
3. Both halves of the relationship love each other ridiculous amounts - too much in fact. Their relationship is based on feelings and love letters and chocolates and flowers - not God. This is obviously damaging as they become so involved in each other their faith and God becomes secondary.
4. The only good type of relationship at any age is foundationally a friendship that is focused around God and the primary aim being to help your other half to grow in their faith to become more like Jesus. The romance is an added extra - the first type of love between the two should be completely unselfish, devoted love, wanting to help the other become more Christ-like. This is rarely seen in adults - how do you expect to pull that off as a 14 year old?

It’s hard enough trying to be a teenager without having to deal with being in a relationship with another one - but that’s not the way people see it anymore and I’ve come to realise this. People don’t often think about the ‘other half’ in that way. When you go out with someone you need to remember that you take on their burdens and problems too. For a relationship to work you can’t only get the good stuff you have to help them with their difficulties too. This means that if the girl/boy you are planning on going out with isn’t a Christian then they are firstly going to have a heck of a lot more problems in the first place with letting Jesus help, but they just won’t understand your viewpoint and surely if they really truly loved you then they wouldn’t ‘not care either way’ but be trying to understand what you believe.

A relationship today even in the Christian sense is usually ridiculously unbiblical and unholy and it’s disguised as something completely acceptable for your average Christian but really it’s just the worldliest thing ever. So many Christians think its ok to go from one relationship to another and they spend so little time truly getting to know the other half you can hardly call it a relationship anyway. They go out of one relationship into the next hardly getting to know (never mind care about) the people they are hurting, and not realising the damage they are doing along the way; not only to their multiple partners but to themselves as well.

I reckon a large percentage of the ‘Christian’ youth population are trying to find their identity in relationships; whether it be through the other person themselves, the image that being in a relationship provides, or simply the need to feel loved. I heard of another person today who, when talking about a past relationship (which was doomed from the start) was remembering how incredible it was and how loved she felt and that she would give anything to feel loved and special in that way again. Teenagers (and I reckon singles of any age) are so delusional.
If we really had our identity secured in Jesus then we wouldn’t be so desperate to find love and approval elsewhere.

Jesus should be everything to us and if he isn’t then we should be putting all our efforts into making him everything to us. Being with someone who isn’t a Christian, or someone who isn’t secure enough in their faith to help build you up in yours is not going make it easier for you to focus on Jesus, in fact it will probably have the opposite effect. And having a friend to build you up is often so much more constructive than having a boyfriend/girlfriend doing the same thing: a lot less distracting.

Being in a relationship is great. Its nice having someone to talk to, someone to rely on, someone you know is always going to be there for you and someone who you know will always love you no matter what. But being in a relationship with a human being has problems. Humans aren’t perfect, we can’t always be trusted, we don’t always keep our promises, we say things we don’t mean and do things that are hurtful and most dangerously of all we fall out of love. If you are looking for someone to fill the criteria of the perfect man/woman, then start by sorting out your relationship with Jesus. He is always there to talk to, He will always answer your prayers, you can always rely on Him, He will always be there for you and He loves you so much that He died for you. Invest your life and your heart in Jesus and you won’t be let down.

I’m not going to judge anyone for being in a relationship (that would be pretty stupid as I’m in one myself) and I’m not even trying to discourage people from being in a relationship, I just want to urge people to think about relationships seriously. I want people to view their relationship with God as enough, and to love their brothers and sisters and not want to put them at any risk of getting hurt unnecessarily, not despite of your love for them but because of your love for them.

My vision for the youth of today is for them to set an example for the older generations by finding their true identity in Christ. I think if people had their identity set in Christ, saw the seriousness of relationships, really loved their brothers and sisters, and realised the gift of singleness and how to make the most of it while they are young, then we would see many more devoted young Christians going out into the world to preach his gospel, completely sheltered by the knowledge of Jesus’ security.