A little bit of blog...

I think hopefully I’ll be writing more of these, not regularly but one or two might pop up now and again so I just wanted to explain a little bit more about what I wanted to achieve by writing this blog and these sort of entries.

Firstly I just wanted to point out that I am not claiming to be without sin in anyway; I’m a human being - I reek of the stuff! I’ll hopefully be writing about some sensitive issues following on from my rant about relationships and I know at times I sound negative and condemning and I guess at times even all high and mighty. But that’s not what I want the people that read it to take from it.

The point of this blog was partly for me to just have an outlet for all my frustration, but also primarily to open people’s eyes to various life issues and how as a Christian we could deal with them. I’m also not claiming to be the source of all knowledge or claiming that what I write is 100% absolutely accurate in every situation. Undoubtedly in a fit of frustration and anger (see... sin!) I’ll post something that is really stupid and immature and not helpful to anyone! But hopefully there won’t be too much of that and I’ll be able to post carefully, keeping everything I write based firmly on the bible; because after all that really is the source of all knowledge!

I don’t want people to be reading any of the entries and thinking that I’m trying to tell them what to do either. That is not the aim of this. Like I said, I just want to open people’s eyes to certain issues, put across my views on the matter yes, but only to make people think about it and come to their own conclusion. I want you to consider what I have to say on the matter but ultimately what the bible says is the most important thing. And obviously we aren’t going to agree on everything all the time (hello sin) and sometimes we just have to agree to disagree.

I hope that this explains just a little bit more about what this is all about (that was the worst sentence I’ve ever written) and that you’ll come back and read lots more of my rants. I think that the next one will be on alcohol... it could be a while though because I have a feeling it’s going to need a lot of monitoring... it could be interesting!

Relationships

Have you ever realised that relationships are really stupid?

Ok... so I don’t want you to misunderstand me; relationships are incredible and that’s the very reason God created us - to be in a perfect relationship with him! ...but when you’re 16 and going off to who knows where in a couple years time and you’re going to meet new people (probably lots of hot people) and you’re not going to see your girlfriend/boyfriend very often and its going to be really hard… is there really a lot of point in going out with someone in the first place?

One of the many things that majorly bugs me ALL the time is that I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. I’m in a long-term relationship at the moment (not far off 18 months) but I’m only 17 and he’s only 16. Yes I could see myself getting married to him and having a family and living happily ever after but even if that is going to happen there are a heck of a lot of hard times to go through before then and half the time I wonder if it’s worth it; whether I could be doing something greater for God right now if I was single. I sometimes find myself wishing I’d never met him, never fallen in love, because now that I’ve realised how stupid relationships are I really wish I could just leave him - but I do love him and I don’t want to hurt him (or myself) and so we are trying to live out a Christian relationship together, building each other up and having Jesus at the centre of everything we do together. Trust me, it’s not easy, especially when I remember that in just over a year I’ll be leaving home.

So from what I’ve just said its obvious I’m not against relationships (however stupid I think they are!) but I do think that the way the majority of the people in today’s society view relationships is wrong and even in Christian circles it’s just outright unhelpful.

I think if I had to choose just one thing that seriously majorly pees me off the most at the moment it would be the lack of seriousness seen in relationships and the way people joke about them as if they are as important as empty tissue boxes. I HATE the way people speculate all the time about everyone and anyone and they are always trying to ‘set people up’. It’s the stupidest thing ever and they don’t know the damage they are causing by putting ideas and speculations into people’s heads. I know guilty of doing it in the past I just wish I’d had someone to tell me how stupid it was a couple of years ago... so I hope that I can be that person to some other people.

Being in a relationship should be a really serious thing - this is marriage we are talking about (well it should be!) so if you are thinking about going out with someone then you should be thinking about marrying them. If you couldn’t marry them - don’t go out with them.
I have been doing some thinking (as you can probably tell by this lengthy ‘essay’) and I think that I have come up with 4 categories that most relationships can be categorised into:

1. Both the girl and boy are simply in the relationship for themselves. It’s all about what they can get out of it for themselves and, sure they’re willing to give a little bit of ‘love’ back in return, but that’s not their primary intention. If neither person is giving then neither is going to be fulfilled.
2. One half is completely obsessed with the other (completely head over heels) but isn’t getting nearly the same amount of love back. This can be horrible for both people; knowing that you aren’t loved back in return is going to be damaging eventually but also knowing that you can never love somebody back the way that they love you can also be difficult.
3. Both halves of the relationship love each other ridiculous amounts - too much in fact. Their relationship is based on feelings and love letters and chocolates and flowers - not God. This is obviously damaging as they become so involved in each other their faith and God becomes secondary.
4. The only good type of relationship at any age is foundationally a friendship that is focused around God and the primary aim being to help your other half to grow in their faith to become more like Jesus. The romance is an added extra - the first type of love between the two should be completely unselfish, devoted love, wanting to help the other become more Christ-like. This is rarely seen in adults - how do you expect to pull that off as a 14 year old?

It’s hard enough trying to be a teenager without having to deal with being in a relationship with another one - but that’s not the way people see it anymore and I’ve come to realise this. People don’t often think about the ‘other half’ in that way. When you go out with someone you need to remember that you take on their burdens and problems too. For a relationship to work you can’t only get the good stuff you have to help them with their difficulties too. This means that if the girl/boy you are planning on going out with isn’t a Christian then they are firstly going to have a heck of a lot more problems in the first place with letting Jesus help, but they just won’t understand your viewpoint and surely if they really truly loved you then they wouldn’t ‘not care either way’ but be trying to understand what you believe.

A relationship today even in the Christian sense is usually ridiculously unbiblical and unholy and it’s disguised as something completely acceptable for your average Christian but really it’s just the worldliest thing ever. So many Christians think its ok to go from one relationship to another and they spend so little time truly getting to know the other half you can hardly call it a relationship anyway. They go out of one relationship into the next hardly getting to know (never mind care about) the people they are hurting, and not realising the damage they are doing along the way; not only to their multiple partners but to themselves as well.

I reckon a large percentage of the ‘Christian’ youth population are trying to find their identity in relationships; whether it be through the other person themselves, the image that being in a relationship provides, or simply the need to feel loved. I heard of another person today who, when talking about a past relationship (which was doomed from the start) was remembering how incredible it was and how loved she felt and that she would give anything to feel loved and special in that way again. Teenagers (and I reckon singles of any age) are so delusional.
If we really had our identity secured in Jesus then we wouldn’t be so desperate to find love and approval elsewhere.

Jesus should be everything to us and if he isn’t then we should be putting all our efforts into making him everything to us. Being with someone who isn’t a Christian, or someone who isn’t secure enough in their faith to help build you up in yours is not going make it easier for you to focus on Jesus, in fact it will probably have the opposite effect. And having a friend to build you up is often so much more constructive than having a boyfriend/girlfriend doing the same thing: a lot less distracting.

Being in a relationship is great. Its nice having someone to talk to, someone to rely on, someone you know is always going to be there for you and someone who you know will always love you no matter what. But being in a relationship with a human being has problems. Humans aren’t perfect, we can’t always be trusted, we don’t always keep our promises, we say things we don’t mean and do things that are hurtful and most dangerously of all we fall out of love. If you are looking for someone to fill the criteria of the perfect man/woman, then start by sorting out your relationship with Jesus. He is always there to talk to, He will always answer your prayers, you can always rely on Him, He will always be there for you and He loves you so much that He died for you. Invest your life and your heart in Jesus and you won’t be let down.

I’m not going to judge anyone for being in a relationship (that would be pretty stupid as I’m in one myself) and I’m not even trying to discourage people from being in a relationship, I just want to urge people to think about relationships seriously. I want people to view their relationship with God as enough, and to love their brothers and sisters and not want to put them at any risk of getting hurt unnecessarily, not despite of your love for them but because of your love for them.

My vision for the youth of today is for them to set an example for the older generations by finding their true identity in Christ. I think if people had their identity set in Christ, saw the seriousness of relationships, really loved their brothers and sisters, and realised the gift of singleness and how to make the most of it while they are young, then we would see many more devoted young Christians going out into the world to preach his gospel, completely sheltered by the knowledge of Jesus’ security.