I'd just like to highlight a few things that I said in my first blog and develop them a little bit further.
One of my summarizing paragraphs was this...
"I’m not going to judge anyone for being in a relationship (that would be pretty stupid as I’m in one myself) and I’m not even trying to discourage people from being in a relationship, I just want to urge people to think about relationships seriously."
Whenever I think about my blog I always think of me ranting about how we shouldn't be going out with people... but actually that’s really not what I'm saying at all. The main issue is that people don't take relationships seriously enough, and their relationship with God is not the most important thing in their life because they are constantly looking for love elsewhere.
"What is the difference between being really good friends with someone and going out with someone?"
This is a question that my youth leader asks regularly when talking about relationships and everyone always comes up with the same answer... "the physical aspect I guess... but...."
…And to an extent this is true. If we are to treat our brothers and sisters like brothers and sisters all the way until they are our husband/wife then there is a problem here if there is not much of a difference. One of my other youth leaders often joked about writing a book titled "would you snog your sister?" about relationships that raises the same point. What is the stage between friends are engagement? And what is the most godly/biblical way of handling things in that stage. This is something that continues to confuse and challenge me. And unfortunately I don’t think there is a straightforward answer.
Since my first blog many people have come up with some interesting arguments against what I've said (some better than others) and a few points that were made to me I think are actually very key things to include in my discussion.
"We have to completely trust in God to guide us to the right person, and whatever happens, he'll ultimately be in control!"
I’ve always said, if something doesn't go against the bible in any way, and there isn't an obviously better option then go for it... so maybe this applies here too. However, a good thing isn’t necessarily the right thing. We see that in Acts when the Spirit stops Paul from going into Macedonia to preach the gospel. Preaching the gospel is definitely a good thing but it wasn’t right at that time or place. Being in relationships that glorify God is a good thing, but the question is whether it is the right time, and with the right person.
"If you can honestly say that you're not looking for anything in your man that you don't already have in Jesus (and he can say the same about you) then go for it no questions asked - just don't expect him to be the perfect guy. He might be lovely - but he sure ain't gonna be perfect." - another very valid point. This follows up on the idea that we should be finding our identity in Christ and not looking anywhere else for satisfaction. If God uses someone to help you ground your satisfaction only in Jesus then that is never a bad thing. The question is: can this work in a relationship or are their too many distractions?
We are never going to get to the bottom of issues such as this until we get to heaven; I think it just is the way things are. C'est la vie! But I think that doesn't mean we have to just sit back and give up, or even struggle on through, because of Jesus' death and resurrection we can know God! and he reveals to us his plans. So we should ask him.
I know people that have read these blogs on relationships and have then either felt more confused or are not helped at all, and in fact, whether that is you or even if you are completely sorted and know exactly what you want to do, then pray. Just pray pray pray. If we pray to him, God will hear us, and he will help us.
Psalm 55:22 - Cast your cares on the Lord he will sustain you. He will never let the righteous fall.
If we are trying to glorify God in all we do then he is not going to abandon us. And even when we do mess up he uses our mess for his glory.
So to finish here are some fabulous words from Colossians 3:17 that I think we can VERY easily apply to the whole discussion of relationships...
“And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”
